commonsensanity

I'm a reasonable guy, I really am.

But with the news today that there was yet another terrorism plot was in the works in England. The problem is Liberals just don't take this stuff seriously enough. In fact, the Repubs don't take it seriously enough either. That's why I'm quitting DKOS and from this day forth, this site explore my new political ideology and paradigms.





(cue the title track to Judas Priest seminal 1982 lp, Screaming for Vengeance! BA-DOOM!!!)

NUKE EM!!!!!!

NUKE THE BASTARD SUMBITCH TERRORISTS!!!

JUST NUKE EM ALL!!!!!!!

I mean shit! There's terrorists out there people! TERRORISM! SHIT-GODDAMN! I never would have known. Next thing you know there'll be CRIME in the streets! People robbing homes,
stealing cars, dealing drugs, and taping football games WITHOUT the express written permission of the NFL!

And there's all SORTS of other threats that people are NOT TAKING SERIOUSLY! Just the other day, I was out taking a walk and there I am standing on the curb, and a guy driving a car i.e., 3-TON KILLING MACHINE (ostensibly used for "transportation") drove not 10-INCHES away from me! 10 INCHES. I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!!!

People, there are threats like this ALL OVER and they need to be dealt with. Bush, I now realize, is a great man, who's got rotten luck. He's trying. He's been trying to deal with the threats to this great country but it's people like the ones at DailyKos who are gumming up the works. Therefore, my new website COMMONSENSANITY will be a forum to cut through the bull and illustrate what needs to be done in this country.

What needs to be done?

NUKE EM!!!

I mean, we've got the nukes right?? Hell YES we got em. So let's USE Em!!! It's the only way we're going to get these terrorist sumbitches under control!! Just Nuke em!!
It's so simple a three year old coulda thought of it!!

Wherever the terrorists are, let's NUKE EM!
You drop a nuke, clear out a good size area and you're DONE! Nothing to do but prop up the Stars and Stripes and put up a Starbucks!! Surely you libs can get with that!

Nukes are great instruments. They get a bad rap sometimes, but these are forces for good! We nuked Japan remember, right? Have you heard a thing out of those guys since then?
I mean, other than, "Oh Shit! Godzirra!"
No you haven't.
And there's a reason why kids, NUKES WORK.
There's not a problem in the world they can't solve and we gots lots a problems that need solvin'.

Iraq? We got ridda Saddam, but are they grateful? Hell No.
NUKE EM!

Iran? Crazy, power-mad, sumbitch in charge. Can't have that.
NUKE EM!

Syria? Terrorist Haven #1!!!
NUKE EM!

North Korea? That pint size, Mr. Magoo-lookin' sumbitch thinks we're gonna dance to his tune? BULLSHIT!
NUKE EM!

See how easy this all is?
A few well placed nukes and things will be just the way we want them. This'll send a message to all the other countries that might be thinking of fuckin' with us, and it'll have Western Union beat cold. If we're gonna be the world's policeman (and it looks we're gonna be) than I vote we be the Los Angeles Police. Beat some sense into the punks and *>>poof<<* crime problem SOLVED.

Of course if there are holdouts, we'll take them on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride too:

Pakistan? These guys they just caught were MOSTLY Pakistan!
NUKE EM!

Great Britain? They were all caught IN ENGLAND. Clearly, Great Britain, (or "Good Britain" as I like to call it, let's be honest here) is a terrorist haven! And their food stinks. No great loss here.
NUKE EM!

Mexico? No more immigrant problems!
NUKE EM!

Columbia? Say goodbye to the cocaine problem!
NUKE EM!

Saudi Arabia? Isn't Osama from there?
NUKE EM!

Germany? Let's see they started WWI, then they started WWII...am I the only one who notices a pattern here?
NUKE EM!

Madagascar? Not really full of wacky, odd animiated creatures. Real inhabitants? Probably TERRORISTS!!
NUKE EM!!

China? 1.3BILLION people, let's do the math. Even if only 2% of the are terrorists that's still...well, it's a lot!!
NUKE EM!!

India? They're taking our jobs!
NUKE EM!!

Argentina? One word. Evita. Worst. Musical. EVER.
NUKE EM!!!

Vietnam?? I know..that war's over...or IS IT???? One way to be sure...
NUKE EM!!

Russia? I don't trust that stomach-kissin' bastard!
NUKE EM!!

Canada? Too quiet up there! What the HELL are they planning!?!?
NUKE EM!!

Italy? A long, long, long, history of loving criminals and terrorists.
NUKE EM!!!

South Korea? If we're gonna take out the North, might as well have a matching pair!
NUKE EM!!

Finland?? One word. Bjork.
NUKE EM!!!

Monaco? Decadent royal family.
NUKE EM!!!

Greenland? Cold, isolated, and uninhabited. Perfect terrorist haven.
NUKE EM!!!

(cue downtempo NIN track)

After we've gotten the rest of the world in line -- well, whoever's left -- it's time to tackle the domestic agenda. That's right, I'm not some one-dimensional nutjob; I recognize that there are plenty of homegrown problems that need taking care of right here in the good ol' US of A.

Thankfully, most of these can be handled with...you guessed it..

NUKES!!

(cue John Williams score, but nothing from the overly guache Star Wars films)

Let's take Heart Disease? It killed 660,000 people last year. That's a lot of people!
NUKE IT!!!

Cancer? 550,000 dead.
NUKE IT!!!

Stroke? 158,000.
NUKE IT!!!

Obesity? 400,000. (although some might call this thinning the herd -literally)but still, even though they're FAT Americans, they're still AMERICANS, and they must be protected!
NUKE IT!!!

Cigarettes?? Over 450,000 people a year die from cigarette-related illnesses. And where do they grow this stuff? North Carolina and Virginia. So I have a modest proposal...
NUKE NORTH CAROLINA AND VIRGINA!!!!*

Remember what I was saying about that...that..CAR that nearly ran me over? 42,000 people --Americans -- were KILLED by those fuckers. And I almost became 42,001. This shit has got to stop. I did some reading and I discovered something. They're coming from Detroit. That's right every last car in this country comes right from there, the city that leads the nations in HOMICIDES. Coincidence. Yeah right.
NUKE DETROIT!!!

Another leading cause of death in this county?? Poisoning. Poisoning?! Yes, poisoning! 14,500 DEAD AMERICANS.
And where does poison come from? Snakes! So at the risk of sounding like a broken record...
NUKE THE SNAKES!!!

Another 14,000 people died from falling down. Yes, that's right, falling down. Your average Liberal would probably want some sort of "study" with "empirical data" and all that shit. While the average Republican would say lets start a Depart of Learn How To Stand Up Goddammit. Me? I say America - Love it or Leave it! So therefore, our mission is clear...
NUKE GRAVITY!!!

West Nile Virus? 285 deaths is 285 TOO MANY.
NUKE THE MOSQUITOES!!!!

Drowning? Over 3,000 Americans, DEAD!
NUKE WATER!!!

Heatstroke?? 300 dead! A relatively minor number you say? Maybe if you're a scum-sucking communist!
NUKE THE SUN!!!!

(cue the Star Spangled Banner)

I don't think I'm overreacting here. I simply refuse -- REFUSE -- to continue to live in a country where AMERICANS -- good, honest, decent, hard-working, salt-of-the-Earth, bible-toting, flag-waving, Apple-pie chomping, baseball-playing AMERICANS -- have to live in fear of dying!

If we're gonna let people just fucking fall over dead every day I mean, shit, the terrorists have already won. The government needs to be on top of every single tornado, lightning strike, pit bull attack, and potential Grand Funk Railroad reunion.

In case you're wondering, yes, I blame Clinton for 9/11. I also blame Clinton. I blame the first Bush too. And Reagan. And Ford. And Carter.And Nixon. Basically, every president up to Garfield is to blame. I'll cut his six-months-in-office-slacker-ass a break.

But hey, it's not about assessing blame. I don't want to live in a country where I'm at risk of a terrorist
attack. Or a Bird Flu attack. Or a Big Mac Attack. I don't want be at risk of living with risk. Risk is just to risky to deal with.

So to all of you here who may be similarly sobered up by yesterday's events, I say, "join me."

posted by Seth Janklowicz @ 8:04 AM